People Pleasing

I am making some big life changes right now. While they are really fun and exciting changes, change requires letting go, managing fear and uncertainty, settling into new locations and new circumstances and feeling ALL of the feelings that comes with starting a new chapter. 

I’ve been practising what I preach and letting my gut lead me rather than doing the ‘logical/ practical’ thing *DISCLAIMER: This can create quite a lot of life admin.

Having coached many of my lovely clients through big life changes, something that comes up almost every time is other people's opinions.

When you make any change in your life it is likely that (albeit usually well meaning) someone will have an opinion about the decision you are making.

If you’re not careful you can end up ingesting other people's thoughts and ideas about how you should be living and you start making decisions based on someone else's wants and values. 

Before you know it you are living a life that serves someone else and not yourself. Now you are out of alignment with what you truly desire.When you start living in a way that benefits other people and ignoring your own desires this is people pleasing.

Here’s what happens when I people please:

I go along with something I don't want to do because I don't want to upset other people 

I ignore my intuition

Get annoyed with the person 

Quietly resent the person and blame them for how I feel 

Spend time in my head resisting the situation that I'm in

I get snappy

They feel uncomfortable

I feel uncomfortable 

I create disconnection

They end up upset which is what I was trying to avoid in the first place

No one has a nice time.

What's the alternative? Opt out of people pleasing.

Relationships improve when we quit people pleasing, the resentment is gone, we have a better relationship with ourselves, a better relationship with our friends and family, we are living in integrity, we are back in alignment and we inspire others to do the same.

BUT the reason so many of us are so great at people pleasing is because saying no to someone feels awful!

Not people pleasing requires taking radical responsibility, short term discomfort and initially displeasing someone.

Would you rather the long term discomfort, never saying no to anyone, and living a life that you didn't sign up for 

Or

Would you rather allow the short term discomfort of saying no and build a life that means something to you? 

Choosing you is not being selfish, choosing you means you will feel energised and excited by your life, this will inspire and influence others to do the same, when we do this we have more time and space for truly meaningful relationships, connections, projects. 

Where in your life are you people pleasing?

Are you playing small in your creative business because you are worried the changes you want to make will upset someone? Are you not going after a dream or goal, or perhaps you're staying in a location because you feel bad about moving to your dream location?

People pleasing looks like prioritising others wants and needs before your own. 

When I’m people pleasing I feel resentful and grumpy and I know I don't show up as my best self. 
Not people pleasing feels as uncomfortable as hell. But long term it benefits everyone.

If we were all listening to our higher selves, following our internal guidance and taking full responsibility for how we think and feel, the world would be a happier place. 

Saying no to others and saying yes to your higher self feels scary, following your curiosity can be nerve wracking. When you feel fear, remember to trust. Trust that the universe has your back and that you are being guided, something amazing will unfold.

If you want to learn more about this and you are interested in 1 to 1 coaching you can book a clarity call here.